O sleep! O gentle sleep!

Yes, sleep. Something I hope to experience in its full joy soon. Apparently I haven't before, well at least not for a long, long time, if ever.

Just over 3 months ago I started the journey to see if there was yet another reason underlying my constant fatigue. There's been diabetes - now conquered, there's been coeliac disease - now conquered, and now, we have confirmation, there is sleep apnea.

Anyone who has slept in the same suburb as me, knows that I am a loud and chronic snorer. Campers have wanted my company as I can frighten wild animals away. It's been the butt of many a joke and I am sure housemates have rested easier in those brief periods when I stopped snoring. The problem is, those times when I stop snoring, I've also stopped breathing... but there is a solution. Come tomorrow, I am starting on a 3 night test of CPAP machines. These machines blow a constant air pressure down your nose/mouth so that the air passages can't collapse when sleeping. The tests should show what pressure I need. And then I get to have my very own machine! And hopefully, some blissful, restful, wonderful (and no snoring!) sleep!

Woo Hoo!

One week down, Five to go.....

Yes, after a review by the doc yesterday, it seems that due to the complexity and thoroughness of the operation and his surgery, there will be quite a recovery time involved.

6 weeks all up that I will largely be unable to use my right arm (must be in a sling), yet somehow I am "fit to return to work" Friday week. Hmmm, love to try my job with one, non-dominant hand! Fortunately work should be reasonable about it, I'm hoping to work from home so that I can go at my own pace and not wear out the left arm too much (about 30 minutes of slow typing is all it takes...).

Hopefully I'll be getting the stitches and splint off next week, but it could be an extra week. We'll (and be we I mean my doc) will assess next week.
At least my body is largely recovered from the op now and I am starting to relax and enjoy the time off work - helps that I have my folks looking after me too - all meals cooked, washing and ironing done, I tell ya it's just like living at home!

Anyway, thought I'd take a photo of the arm, so you can see it all wrapped up. I couldn't get it all in, but it extends down to about 2 inches above the elbow. Just colour me green and show me the tardis...


It looks kind of extreme, but there's little pain, just twinges, and general awkwardness...

If I should turn into a slug beast.....

Ever since my arm has been wrapped up - fingers to elbow - I've felt like an extra in a Dr Who episode. Perhaps you remember it? Here's some pictures to jog your memory....



Well the pain killers are officially finished - no more dreams of talking giraffes and flying beagles (those ears come in handy), luckily I have some left over from my kidney stone episode of last year. I haven't touched them yet, but they are a nice security blanket.
Today being Saturday we are off for some house inspections. Maybe. At least a drive with B.

One-Armed Bandit

Well, the op is over. And now I get to find out how challenging life is with only a non-dominant hand....
I'm doing as much as I can by myself and being told I'm stubborn and too independent :) Just like my Ma (according to my Dad) and just like my Dad (according to my mother) *s*.

Unfortunately I didn't get to watch the operation - they were worried I might involuntarily move my arm if I could see, and they didn't take photos :(
Apparently the cyst was multi-segmented and looked like a bunch of grapes. I gather it was quite complicated to remove as it took nearly an hour. Fortunately I was first up in the morning, so didn't have long to wait. I was home by midday.
I get the stitches out early next week, and then get to find out how long I'll have the splint on for.

Currently I'm just sleeping lots and resting.
And typing *very* slowly.... :)

Pre-Op Update

I know, It's been ages since I blogged. I've been spending my time reading other people's blogs, and of course working "insane hours" (that's a quote from my boss) and researching the real estate market (still).

Every weekend that I'm not working, and some which I do, we've been on the real-estate trail. I now have a sizable collection of brochures, floor plans, and weekly newspaper lift-outs of auction results. By the time we buy, it will be well and truly researched. It will be so researched I will never again want to buy a house. *Sigh*

But I have the month of July (potentially) off work! Woo Hoo! OK, most of it is sick leave, but given I won't actually be sick, just doing my best impression of a one-armed bandit I plan to enjoy it as much as I possibly can. My folks should be arriving tomorrow to "take care of me" - ie cook and drive. The rest of the time I plan to sloth around the house, read more WoT (currently on book 10), watch TV, watch BattleStar Galactica, eat yummy food and drink lots of tea. Unfortunately I won't be able to knit :( But after my wrist recovers I should be back to my pre-lump knitting speed. I'm sure there will still be some winter left in which to enjoy cozy knitting...

So, I'm off to get my wrist slit on Wednesday. Hopefully the Doc will avoid the radial artery though, take out the lump and repair the wrist joint and it will be happily ever after - full strength and flexibility returned.

Today and tomorrow are preparation days. Lots of washing, cleaning and tidying. Actually I've probably done more house work in this 3-4 days than I have in a year. Albeit all in small doses with a good rest inbetween and strong doses of pain killers. I've left the left-handed ironing until tomorrow, I don't think I've done any in the last 6 months nearly. It's truly amazing how creases fall out of clothes if left hanging long enough - well most fabrics, and then there's the fabrics which don't require ironing - I've been amassing a good wardrobe of them...

Well, that's my rest done - off to the next job....

Anatomical Drunken Ramblings

Yep folks - still haven't gotten back to blogging about Tassie. In my defence I have been working 12-16 hours days and surviving on as little as 3 hours sleep.

So, as I sit here, on my third glass of a rather nice (and excessively cheap) red wine (and these are *large* glasses folks) I feel the urge to partake in some ramblings of the tipsy variety...

In an effort to increase the usable capacity of my PVR I've been force-watching recorded TV. Due to the excessive working hours I've been keeping, there is, fortunately, a large variety of programs saved. Tonight I partook of the most recent Grey's Anatomy.
And by the time I got to the end of it, I found myself bawling. No, not as some unkind people would say by the poor performances or daytime drama soapie story-lines, but by the personal commitments that was this week's themes. About life being the empowerment over death and one's chosen life commitment being the alternative to a hum-drum, depressive, unfulfilling life.

As they say....*spoilers* ahead.

By the end of the episode we have experienced:
The consequences of delaying that expression of commitment - the risk your soul mate has moved on.
A patient reconnected with her culturally distinct (Amish) parents after her best friend makes the sacrifice of letting her go.
Izzie finds a way to make Denny's money bring new hope.
George starts coming to terms with his Father's death and realises it is the people in his life that are important.
Christine accepts that the war is more important than an individual battle.
And Meredith admits to being a virgin in relationships.

This episode was about heart connections.
That even diametrically apposed life views (Amish and shunned) and connect. (First tears...),
That the chief made the right decision - but left it too late. (It's all about timing.),
That Izzie lets Denny go - and just got to *love* Miranda's spunk!
That Derek will be there for Meredith, no matter what. They may not connect, but he'll *be* there, even if he shouts, even if she shouts.
That Christine sees what really matters - she is making the long term commitment, she always was - or she would have walked away long ago. (Second tears...)
That George opens his heart and sees how truly amazing Kelly really is for him. (Outright bawling...)

So I'm sitting there, on the couch, 3rd *large* glass of wine in hand, trying to analyse why I am crying. All those years of Psychology at Uni catching up with me....
Was it the multiple marriage proposals? And nigh on accepting I am never going to get one....
Was it the feeling of affinity to Derek and Meredith's romantic position?
Was it the wine?

Actually - I think the moment that *really* got me, was Burke's proposal. The utter silence for weeks and weeks. The wondering why they were still together. Christina's acceptance of the war over the individual battle but still being able to maintain her own sense of right and justice and integrity. Bourke's proposal was *not* out of the blue. He just simply doesn't operate like that. This was in his mind for a long time. I suspect eventually we will find out just how long.

**** Important Footnotes
This blog post is *NOT* aimed at getting a marriage proposal. Rest easy B.
While marriage is something that will always remain in my life goals - for reasons many will not understand, and possibly a subject of a much later drunken post - I have accepted that the war is more important that an individual battle.

And no, I'm not ashamed of a blog almost entirely based on a Grey's Anatomy episode.
it touched me to the core - and that really should be good enough for you!

Sometimes I wonder....

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm in the right career... it's not that I don't love the individual parts of my job, the pattern matching of incidents to find underlying commonalities and then tracking it down to the true cause to the satisfaction of all...
the control I have over the processes with the joy of seeing everything running smoothly...
even the interactions with other members of my team - aiming to understand where they are coming from and what they need in order to perform their job...

But it's the strangeness where the boss offers a copy of New Scientist out and I am leaping out of my chair wanting to be the first one, only to find I am the *only* one...
It's having to explain the soulful satisfaction of Kombis as a preference over BMW's...
It's listening to conversations about cultural / religious differences, where it's obvious that they just don't get it....
It's the mini cauldron on my desk filled with crystals that only one person has figured out...
It's the utter dis-belief that this stubborn, assertive, logical, control freak is a knitter...

Yes we embrace diversity. My section could be an ad for Benetton, but that doesn't mean that with diversity comes an automatic understanding and appreciation of the cultural, personal, religious, spiritual values of others.

What is it that gives someone that ability to see the bigger picture, to truly appreciate diversity - not just as a phrase to be worshipped...
Is it something that comes from having experienced discrimination?
Or is an open mind something that just is and cannot be developed?
How do we encourage open minds in others? Is it something that can be nurtured in the young?